First ever screenplay

Well I thought it was OK.
Its not too ambitous, it doesnt use any props locations or special effects that you dont have access too.
There isnt lengthy dialog, or unrealistic aims.
Should be interesting to light (its all shadows and shade)
Looks like a perfect first short film idea.
Which is very important.
You have planned what to film, rather than just pointing a camera and hoping something happens, not knowing what you are going to do.

Sure the formatting is **** , people will whinge because of that. Doesnt matter its written for you to follow anyway. Writing a script is a different skill to making a short film.

Its mysterious, and doesnt really ask any questions, or answer any. Its not clear whats going on, more atmosphere.I thinks its weird and curious and short and simple.
Dreams are a good atmosphere for a film.

My point is its a starting point, beats grabbing a camera and thinking 'um.....now what shall I film!'

Good luck

thank u eddie + redlum for forgetting about formatting

i no my wiriting is gay i hate writing but i enjoyed writing this weird huh?

i might still make it but im trying ( [img]biggrin.gif[/img] ) to write something half decent, ill report back later on today when im more intoxicated
beer = freaky ideas haha

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i no my wiriting is gay

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">[img]eek.gif[/img]

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beer = freaky ideas haha

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Beer? Are you old enough to drink? Why ask people to comment on your script if you're going to remove it and throw your rattle because some people don't like it? Would you prefer that we all say it's fantastic when it isn't?

All the comments about formatting were meant to be helpful ie. we would be able to understand it, because as it is people had trouble getting what it was about.

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cba with this **** i dont think ppl no wtf is... **** it

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">[img]mad.gif[/img] ??? Spell your words for christ's sake- it isn't a text message!!! [img]wink.gif[/img]

1.er yes i am old enough to drink
2.i new the formatting was shite so i didnt need telling
3. i didnt lose my rattle i removed beause its not worth having something up that has already been changed since last night
4. i spell how i want [img]biggrin.gif[/img] nah its just quicker and plus i miss keys and mispell alot of words

i wish i stilll done ganja i would have some wierd ideas with that stuff

i appreicate all the comments just not people(ppl) telling me what a already know

if ya want i will stick my rewirte on hear later still tweaking it, i was thinking of creating a mini seris like the man has different lifes but his the same dude if ya know what i mean

my writing is gay was just a spur of the moment, i could have used pants pish tosh etc etc [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ November 13, 2003 09:28 AM: Message edited by: slimblues ]</font>

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Originally posted by slimblues:
un-deleted
happy?
hehe

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Very happy.

hehe atleast my post counts going up [img]tongue.gif[/img]

i need to ask things about getting into film n stuff(a levels degrees etc) but ill save that for another time

dude... i wouldnt care about formatting if i could actually read the stuff the write... but on top of **** formatting you spell very badly, use little if any punctuation... i appreciate it is a first draft, but theres a distinct difference between something you write to yourself in semi broken english to something you ask people advice on somethin...when its written so badly reading it becomes tedious.

"Bading the boy receives a message of some sort"

what on earth is that sposed to mean??

It starts of with a very clishe opening, and terrible dialogue. But thats forgivable if its enjoyable and since this is your first attempt. But then it goes from him on the computer to in the shower and it doesnt seem to actually tell any story.

I dont wanna completely rip your work to peices but i would go away and work on it alot before you show anyone it again.

bading is a sound ? lol like the oh-oh icq makes or the bling that msn makes

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4. i spell how i want nah its just quicker and plus i miss keys and mispell alot of words

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ya want i will stick my rewirte on hear later still tweaking it

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im not having a rant but itsa hardley lilkey like that line will stay about the dream, ya think i dont know how corney that sounds

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">hope that snwers ur question beloved [img]biggrin.gif[/img] n thx for replies

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ November 13, 2003 10:26 AM: Message edited by: slimblues ]</font>

i read all that... but what is the piont of posting something no one can read and then spending 10 replies explaining it and saying you will soon upload a version in english...

why not just do that in the first place? that is the piont i made about being a difference between writing something as a first draft for your use and writing something as a first draft to show other people

this was just suppose to promote the idea to see if i should acutally bother to write it up proply
im guessing not [img]frown.gif[/img]
o well back to the drawing board